Pirate Stories--The former adventures of the Barbery Pirates
Pirate Literature--Pamphlets from LeChuck to you
Songs of the Sea--The best of CMI lyrics
Helgen: The year was 1675. We were on a course towards the wreck of the Rattling Phlegm. Our days were filled with songs of the voyage, and the untold riches we'd find at our destination. Two months into our journey, we realized that something was horribly wrong.
Guybrush: Had your ship been placed under some kind of pirate curse?
Helgen: Not as such, but we were cursed all the same. We were all stricken with a melody..a diabolical song that I shall never forget. La la la la la la la..(sings the Monkey Island theme song)
Guybrush: Hey, that's kind of catchy!
Helgen: Aye, all too catchy for a crew of fifty men confined to a ship hundreds of miles from port. No one could think of anything else, and many threw themselves into the sea rather than hear any more of the incessant humming. We returned with but eight of our crew left. The doomed voyage of the Obsessivo-Compulsivo will haunt me forever.
Guybrush: Pirate stories. Got any?
Bill: Okay, here's a story. I started out as a crewman on the Raging Tightwad, sailing out of Puerto Pollo. The captain was a master treasure-hunter, a diviner from some ancient secret society. He had some weird fifth sense when it came to finding objects of value.
Guybrush: Don't you mean sixth sense?
Bill: No, by some cruel trick of nature he was born without taste buds. But his other sense took over and gave him an uncanny ability to find treasure. We left port without a map, guided only by the captain's keen senses. We spent the first week going around in circles..until we realized that the crew's gold earrings were throwing the captain off. After we tossed all our jewelry, gold coins, and belt-buckles overboard, we got back on course.
Guybrush: Did you ever find any treasure?
Bill: We sailed for two years, and finally started back for Plunder Island. But just as we started to doubt him, he paid off. We found sunken treasure, right off the coast!
Guybrush: Wait a second..was it an enormous pile of jewelry and gold coins and belt buckles at the bottom of the bay?
Bill: Exactly! How did you know that?
Guybrush: Just had a feeling.
Guybrush: Do you know any rousing pirate stories?
Haggis: Well, there is the story of the Secret of Bulky Island. We were a crew of two-score men, under the command of Big Jake McJuggernaut, the most powerful captain on the seas. One night in port, Cap'n Jake heard a tale of an enormous treasure buried somewhere on Bulky Island. We set sail and landed within a fortnight, and found the treasure the next morning.
Guybrush: Bulky Island? Where's that?
Haggis: Ye won't find it on any map; Cap'n Jake took the location of the treasure to his grave. Oh, it was a beautiful sight. A tremendous chest made of solid gold. Big Jake lept into the hole and wrapped his sinewy arms around the chest. He gathered his resolve, counted to three, filled his lungs, and lifted with all his might. The sound of his back cracking brought a grimace to even the most steel-hearted crewman. By nightfall the lot of us were lying on the beach, writhing in pain.
Guybrush: Why didn't you lift with your knees?
Haggis: That would've been the weak man's
way out! The pirate Angus McFulcrum had followed us to Bulky Island, wantin'
the treasure for himself. The weakling used a lever and took the chest,
laughing at us as he carried it to his ship. And my proud Cap'n McJuggernaut
died in traction, cursing himself for not being strong enough.
The oh-so-famous Pirate Song ("A Pirate I Was Meant to Be")
Guybrush: We'll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange.
He can sing, too...just not very well.
Chapter 1: How to get more than fifteen men on a dead man's chest
Chapter 2: Leg irons or flogging; the age-old question.
Chapter 3: Mermaids or manatees--does it really matter?
Big Whoop Brochure--"The Place for Pirates and Pirates-at-Heart"
Guybrush: (reading the brochure) "Visit
Big Whoop for an eternity of pain and torment, I mean, fun and laughter.
If you're a pirate with a sturdy skeletal structure and a
Guybrush: What do you know about the lost ring of Blood Island?
Griswold: Ah, that's a very sad chapter in my family's history. My great aunt Minne "Strone" Goodsoup was a well-to-do member of Blood Island society. Her one weakness was her romantic nature. She had a thing for pirates, one in particular. He came into port, she fell instantly in love, and they were engaged within the week. Then, on the eve of their wedding, he stole the fantastic Goodsoup diamond from her ring and sold it to smugglers on Skull Island. She wore the empty engagement band on her finger until the day she died, which was not long after. Some say she still haunts the Goodsoup family tomb.
Guybrush: Hypothetically, how would one get into your aunt's tomb?
Griswold: Well, I suppose you would have to die.
Guybrush: Oh, crud.
Griswold: There used to be a regular ferry out to Skull Island...
Guybrush: Used to?
Griswold: Ah, one cold night, so the tale goes, the Welshman set out in his dinghy. The deep fog around the Skull Isle obscured even the moon, but the Welshman could still see the distant light of the Blood Island lighthouse. When he had rowed half the distance, the light in the lighthouse was mysteriously smashed..and the poor Welshman was lost, almost never to been seen again.
Griswold: Well, there are those who say that, late at night, if you stare into the fog long enough, you may see the Flying Welshman, rowing in his ghostly dinghy, lost for all eternity.